saw this and thought it amusing.....and so true.
Go to a resale store and find an old, navy suit that an army sergeant might have worn. Add a white shirt and a tie. Wear that same outfit for three consecutive days.
Go to an airport and watch airplanes take off for several hours. Pretend you are standing by for them and they are all full. Go home. Return to the airport the very next day and do the same thing again.
Fill several large boxes with rocks. Lift them over your head and place them on the top shelf of a closet. Slam the door shut until the boxes fit. Do this until you feel a disc slip in your back.
Turn on a radio. Be sure to set it between stations so there is plenty of static. Turn on the vacuum cleaner and garbage disposal. Run them all night.
Remove the covers from several T.V entrees. Place them in a hot oven. Leave the food in the oven until it's completely dried out. Remove the hot trays with your bare hands. Serve to your family. Don't include anything for yourself.
Serve your family a beverage one hour after they've received their meal.
Make them remain in their seats during this time.
Ask them to scream at you and complain about the service.
Scrounge uneaten rolls off the plates for you to eat 6 hours later when you're really hungry.
Place a straight-backed chair in a closet facing a blank wall. Use a belt to strap yourself into it.
Eat the rolls you saved from your family's meal.
Ask your family to use the bathroom as frequently as possible. Tell them to remove their shoes and socks before entering, and see who can make the most disgusting mess. Clean the bathroom every hour throughout the night.
Make a narrow aisle between several dining room chairs and randomly scatter your husband's runners and loafers along the way. Turn off the lights and spend the night walking up and down the aisle while banging your shins against the chair legs and tripping over the shoes.
Drink several cups of cold coffee to keep yourself awake.
Gently wake your family in the morning and serve them a muffin in a package. Don't forget to smile and wish them a nice day when they leave for work and school.
After the family leaves, take a suitcase and go out into the yard. If it's not raining, turn on the sprinkler system and stand in the cold for 30 minutes pretending like your waiting for the crew bus topick you up.
Then go inside and wait by your bedroom door for another 30 minutes for an imaginary maid to make up your room.
Change into street clothes and shop for 5 hours. Pick up carry-outfood from a local deli. Go back home. Sit on your bed and eat your meal.
Set your alarm clock for 03:00 am so you'll be ready incase you don't get your wake up call.
Repeat the above schedule for three days in a row and you'll be ready to work your first international flight
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
back from my first Jamaican trip. its one of the hardest trips we do. suffice to say most of the passengers are extremely rude to us and theres usually fights on board. Luckily i didnt have any of that on mine.
arrvied at Montego Bay, after working a 9 hour flight (means i was actually working 11.5 hours) and then a 30 min bus ride to our hotel, only to then wait 1 and a half hours for my room to be ready. thought i was gonna keel over. on top of this... they decided to tune the piano in the hotel lobby, next to where we were sitting.... i had to think.. THIS IS HELL!!! i actually died on the flight and im now in hell.
we didnt even get 17 hours to stay i the hotel, before having to get up early in the morning to passenger over to Kingston. What is a very short 20 min air jamaica flight, actually takes 6 hours door to door. its ridiculous! we waited in the check in line for almost 2 hours. Then we got to wait in the line to enter immigration, to then wait in line for security, then in line for immigration booth..we then got to the gate to find our plane has been delayed for an hour...before waiting in line to board the plane.
i luckily got an emergency exit row. The safety demo was a bit amusing...do they actually train to point like that or what.. but i picked up some good tips on how to deal with jamaican passengers for my leg from Kingston to London.
Once off the plane, we got to again wait in line for immigration and were forced to fill out an immigration form, even though we had just done a domestic flight!! go figure.
We got to the hotel just over 6 hours from when we left the other hotel. But kingston is so dangerous we are actually advised not to really leave the hotel. We did get to drive past Raetown, one of the most dangerous areas in the carribean so im told.
The flight home was relatively calm..the one and only passenger really kicking off was a scottish woman, who apparently complained about everything, continuously...luckily i was upstairs and didnt have to deal with her... however, i did get to hear her complaining loud and aggressively as she got off at how ridiculous it was that she and the other passengers had to wait until the people in the front of the plane get to disembark first..... honey, youre only gonna have to wait at the luggage carousel anyway so whats your rush? some people just need a good smack around the head.
oh well.. off t sunny st lucia soon... my little island paradise... one of the most beautiful islands we go to...where the locals are actually friendly. despite the 1.5 hour bus journey from the airport to the hotel..better make sure i go to the lav before i get off the plane eh?
oh well.. thats my whinge for the week...im sure there will be bright and bubbly and funny stories to tell next time.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Just back from my last trip. we were 1 senior crew member down so they asked if anyone wanted to "work up" I.E work in the upper class cabin. i jumped at the chance as i had not done it and thought it a good chance to learn something new. We are not trained for this cabin when we start.
I was so nervous on my way ot the aircraft that i left my cabin bag at the security checkpoint.. oops.. had to be driven back to go collect it. had a fantastic trip, loved working in our upper class cabin.. its so different. different kind of passenger and totally different style of service. Crew said i did a fantastic job and they couldnt tell i had not worked up there before. Even got a glowing performance review from the onboard manager. so all in all i was chuffed.
now just a few days off before i have to go to jamaica. one of the most undesirable tris we have. the passengers are all so rude and obnoxious and totally white-racsist.. so im in for a real treat im sure. going to just chalk it all up to experience and try to enjoy the poolside once i get downroute.
here is the summary of trips for july