really really bad jokes

Did you hear about the peanut in the hospital?
He was assaulted.

Two atoms are talking:
"Help, somebody has stolen one of my electrons!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive!"

How does a man on a moon get his haircut?
Eclipse it.


There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, hoping that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.


A man is a bus driver on Sesame Street and insists on meeting all of his riders. At the first stop, two overweight women got on the bus; both are named Patty. At the next stop, a mentally challenged boy named Ross got on. At the final stop, a disgusting man named Lester Freeze got on, took off his shoes, and picked at his bunions.

When the bus driver got home, his wife asked him if he met anyone new that day. He said, "Two obese Patties, special Ross; Lester Freeze picks his bunions on a Sesame Street bus."